When I was a young kitten my mother said to me, “Son, you must learn how to catch mice. It is a good solid profession. The mice you catch will feed you and your family. You can market your Mouse Hunting Business to your neighbors and catch mice for them.”
“But Mom, I want to be a writer.”
Martha, my dog, is my personal bodyguard. She sits by the back door of the house on her bed and makes sure no one comes in. When I go door to door selling my mice, she waits for me at the end of the driveway and protects me from oncoming traffic.
This morning I was up early answering a letter from Paws. He will be sent an 8×10 autographed photograph of me. My personal photographer comes home tonight from California. I will be sitting for my portrait tomorrow. Hi Pooh, I have an issue with my staff members, not really a problem, but I would […]
Charlie is really learning quickly. I am proud of him. He knows where all my three porcelain water bowls are in the house, and he is adept at drinking from them. My staff does leave dishes of water on the floor in the kitchen for the dog. There are always floating bits of dog slobber […]
I am writing a memoir. I want to start every sentence with I. I chased a mouse. I caught a mouse. I ate a mouse. I, I, I. How boring. I know the story is about my life. But there must be a better way to write it. I need help. My senior staff member talks about […]
Today is Laundry Day for my Senior Staff member. The younger staff do their own laundry; they are assigned a day during the week. Monday the cloth napkins are washed. I don’t know why my staff put the napkins in my sleeping basket when they take the napkins out of the dryer. I own seven […]
Charlie, my assistant, is now Manager of Proper Dishwasher Loading Techniques. He inspected the dishwasher this morning. He was making sure the dishwasher was properly loaded. My senior staff member has not been putting the cat food bowls in properly. Our food dishes often come out with food stuck on them or water spots. I have […]
This morning I was walking into the laundry room to eat my breakfast, when I was caught in a cat trap. I have told my staff countless times, “Put the boxes from the grocery store in recycling immediately. They are traps. Do not leave them out.” My staff did not listen. I will hold a […]
We have hired two new employees. They are twins. A boy and a girl. JR and Nepeta. My staff was having a hard time taking their picture, as they would not sit still. The best place to keep them quiet for a portrait was in pockets. JR , the black male, is named after Johnny […]
“Who Shredded the Paper Towel Roll?” by Pooh Hodges Who shredded the paper towel roll? I didn’t do it. It wasn’t me. Was it a bear? Was is a mouse? Was it an elephant? Was it a fox? Was it a dog? No. It wasn’t a bear. It wasn’t a mouse. It wasn’t an elephant. […]
